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Kid Cudi has shared a harrowing moment from the darkest chapter of his life.
On Tuesday, August 5, the Cleveland native revealed that he nearly killed himself from an overdose after "doing more coke than I ever had in my life." He shared an excerpt from his upcoming memoir with GQ, in which he details what he believed were the final moments of his life.
"I tried to get up off the bed, but my legs wouldn’t work, so I collapsed to the floor and started to crawl," he wrote. "Eventually, I gave in and just laid on the ground. My heart was racing. It felt like it was going to burst any minute."
"I started working on Man on the Moon II a few months before I almost overdosed," he wrote. "The drugs were heavily involved in its creation; they put me in a dark mindset. I felt like I had demons latched on to me. I needed to soundtrack the moodiness I was feeling."
"At first, I was doing bumps, but I had quickly worked my way up to heavier and steadier quantities," he continued. "I’d make lines that were as wide as my pinky and do them back-to-back throughout the day, every day. When I would get after it, I would really get after it. I was a maniac. That’s why that second album was so drug-riddled, because that’s what got me through. I wouldn’t have been able to do it if I didn’t have something to push me."
"By the time I was writing Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven in 2015, I’d come back to that moment, but in a much more real way," he added. "We had rented a house in Big Sur to get the album done. After we’d finished a session, I’d be alone Googling exit bags. I was thinking about a way I could actually do it. I was plotting it. There’s a song at the end of Speedin’ Bullet where I say good-bye, and that was meant to be my final album. I was going to kill myself at the end of that album, or before it came out, or during that cycle. I was not planning to live that year. Not many people around me expected me to either."
Kid Cudi has been open about his struggles with drugs, mental health, and suicidal thoughts. He previously shared that he went to rehab in 2016 for his addiction to cocaine.
Look out for Kid Cudi's anticipated book, "Cudi: The Memoir," on August 12.